The Rebellion: Year of Unleashing

::NOTE:: I WILL NO LONGER POST ON MY BLOGGER.COM SITE, PLEASE CATCH UP WITH ME ON MY WWW.FREEWEBS.COM/NINANEEN SITE FOR UPDATES, PIX AND MORE! ::NOTE::

Allow me to take a deep breath before you all, except when it reaches you...it will have long passed. The moment I took a breath is because this year so far has been nothing but a giant unleashing, let alone this weekend.
This year for me has been titled my year of dying...
This year for ITLM Lancaster has been titled the year of refinement...
This year for ITLM Philly has been titled the year of unleashing...
...Does anybody see the correlation there? Just in case I was missing God gave it to me in threes. I gotta smile because it's like okay okay I GOT IT GOD!! LOL. What's this year going to be for you? Have you asked God yet? Do you have any goals? He's the same God yesterday, today and forever yet He's the God who moves us to change our ways from yesterday, from today and forever. Always for the better.

Tomorrow, I start my new job as a Treatment Court Clerk and so I am looking forward to the beginning of this new chapter.

---

Leave me a line, tell me what this year is for you personally...or leave a prayer request so I can lift it up. I'm trying to take my prayer life to the next level so...lol...pray for me...every pun intended ;o)

Day of Love: Do We Love All?

I know it's been a hot minute but I've been diligently attending to ministry, as well as my new website for you all. Which is now ready...http://www.freewebs.com/ninaneen
However, after a few thoughts about this day, I decided to write something juicy for you. These topics could easily become a sermon and be broken down even further but I chose to keep it very sweet and uh, kinda short and to the point. Feel free to comment.

---

Everywhere you look, we see what season it is. Chocolates delicately wrapped in red heart boxes, red roses worth more then your car insurance and diamonds exquisitely advertised as the key to her heart. Let's talk about the heart.

// THE HEART
Recently, speaking with my Pastor and the leadership team, we went on one of our rabbit trails but this one was different. Pastor brought up how scientists are discovering that the heart is the main place where our feelings, emotions and decisions come out of...not our brain. Beautifully enough, the Bible has shown proof of this way before any scientist could...in scriptures like:

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked...who can know it?" - Jeremiah 17:9

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me." - Psalm 51:10

"I will bless the Lord who guides me;even at night my heart instructs me." - Psalm 16:7

"How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults." - Psalm 19:12

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." - Psalm 19:14

"For out of the abundance of his heart his mouth speaks." - Luke 6:45

Okay so I think you get my drift...clearly in these scriptures it shows we think with our hearts not with our minds. Our minds are simply a second base, a storage place for feelings, emotions and decisions that have collectively come together over time. When I examine that it's like man God has to be real for one because something so astounding can only come from a God as equally astounding. The second thing that comes to my mind is...my God, when we want to see change no wonder you ask us to make a decision in our heart to turn from our wicked ways, our situation, our struggle, our mountain. It's evident in those scriptures above, the change must come from our heart...we need a renewing in our heart first, not in our mind. It's interesting a person can function with brain damage but not without their central source...their heart. I challenge you to ask God to start changing your heart in your trials...surrender your heart to him...and I know you'll see change if you do it...well...whole-heartedly.

// THE SEASON
My faithful God has me in a glorious and celebratory season. It's a season to live the single life. Now by living up the single life it's quite different from the world's way of looking at it. First off let's start from the beginning...when I entered this season, I must admit, I wasn't the happiest camper at the camp site. I was like, umm, why am I here? I had my own plans, my own desires, to take it to the next level in my relationship...engagement, marriage...the whole shabang! However, isn't it a lovely and non-subtle thing when God pumps the brakes on your own plans! Shame on us when we complain, for he is only saying..."Wait up!! You ain't ready for what's ahead, let's take it back to the lab and prep you up little mama." (I don't know about you but God has to talk to me like this sometimes lol.) And so, as I examined this season in my life, I quickly thought to myself...ahh, I won't be here long...this is gonna be a quick little scrub down, a little tweaking here, a little tweaking there and I am ready to go back at it!! My heart was made up, naturally. Tisk tisk for me. Little did I know I'd be walking this bad boy out for a long season and you wanna experience the shock factor in this little story of mine...?

I TRULY ENJOY BEING SINGLE!

I'll give you a minute to compose yourself, to take your hand from your mouth and shut your jaw. That's right folks, I enjoy it. Being single is something that is to be celebrated and I always wondered why...I'm going to break down why...

1. It's a time of true intimacy (who better to show you what love, intimacy and romance is other then the One who created it?)
   
   
2. It's a time of dying (ladies, gentlemen, know when you get married it is not going to be peaches and cream all the time. You will need to sacrifice, compromise, submit and love unconditionally your spouse...who better to get that practice in when then with the One who gave the greatest sacrifice?)
   
   
3. It's a time of renewal and restoration (if your ways were once impure, broken, taken from you then who better then allow the One who brings purity, makes whole and gives back do what He does best?)
   

I wouldn't be telling you how wonderful it is if I wasn't feeling it myself. In this season God is showing me how to crucify my emotions and feelings, simply because I could be led by those things...but TRUST me when I tell you...being single could be and is a wonderful thing. To know that God is restoring, destroying, creating habits, unlearning bad habits, marinating and saturating me with His goodness TO BETTER prepare me for my husband is a great and totally satisfying thing. Honestly, though, I'm satisfied first with the fact that I could give my God all of me without interruption or distraction. Sadly enough, the world looks at celebrating the single life as a way to get the buddy and the booty...I'm just keeping it real...with no strings attached. In God's eyes...it's a time to take it deep with Him and soar. Only good can come from sacrificing your own desires and feelings for companionship with God.

One other challenge I'll offer is...I named this DAY OF LOVE: DO WE LOVE ALL? because God'll show you how to LOVE yourself but first off...ask Him to change and dwell in your heart. You're bound to see results.


Alas, on this day of love...I'll say this:

1. Know the condition of your heart and ask God what season he has you to be in.
2. Tell Him to teach you what REAL LOVE is...He's the author of it.
3. Be ready for what's to come ahead when you surrender your desires...the blessings come in abundance.

Have a great day and spread God's love! Yes, this is a man-made holiday that makes men go insane but God's day of love started the day he created us...and it continues every day until His return. God Bless You All!!

Be Aware

What's going on everybody?! I'm just writing to tell you to keep your eyes peeled because I will be building a personal site on freewebs.com. I don't do the myspace thing but this will be a great way to connect. I'm looking to upload my blog onto the page so that it may continue being my outlet to all of you wonderful folks. Hopefully I could bring you something appealing to the visual eye and something satisfying for the spiritual soul.

Shout out to Daddy Los for giving me the heads-up on the site!!!

Grace & Love!

The Perfect Man

This is for the ladies but is to be encouraged to be read by the gents...
---
Imagine for a moment or two with me...
A man, perfect in every possible way. Everything you've ever dreamed He could be, He was. He drops everything He is doing to listen to you, making Him the best listener. He runs to serve you before your words even form in your mouth or your hand even beckons Him over. Everything about you drives Him crazy from your hairs on your head to the small yet profound things you don't like about your face, hands, feet or shape. He loves it all. He delights in hearing your voice, your worries, your cares, your dreams, your doubts, your insecurities, your needs...YOU. He delights in hearing you. He's perfection, simply because everything you've been through, He could relate to in ever way.

However...
He's no coward. He's a man's man. He rebukes, corrects and leads.
He's romantic. The King of Romance. He sympathizes, cries with you, holds you in His arms, whispers sweat poetry in your ear about how much He adores you. He is never predictable and always goes out of His way to prove how much you mean to Him. Any moment you're away from Him, He's longing for you to connect with Him again. He thinks of the world of you, literally.
He has the perfect personality and characteristics. He's humble, down-to-earth, has a wonderful sense-of-humor, compassionate, an awesome story teller and He is such a people-person...but that's not even scratching the surface. He cooks food that satisfies your soul and He cleans the way no other person cleans...He never leaves residue of dirt behind. He's something else, really.

The crazy thing is...He desired you long before you even met Him. He loved you long before you even loved Him. From day one, He's been waiting to make love to your spirit and soul. There's nobody like him. He's the perfect man.

The sad thing is...females are looking everywhere for their perfect man...left and right, right and left...in the club and in the church...locally and nationally...yet He's closer then they think.

I really don't think I need to elaborate on Who the perfect man, lover, father, person or companion is. My challenge however would be to learn to love Him as much as He loves us.

---

And you know what fellas, you can read this and just switch it up. We serve a romantic God and what a beautiful thing that He desires us no matter what our situation may be. Praise Him!!

Color Schemes

Black holes inside a brown window
Captivated by red rain
A red pain
On a beige landscape
With not one attempt to escape
Aqua green and blue circles collide
With the horror of the black plague
Of recent days that'll divide
With rage and hunter jealousy
Red hot anger penetrating
The fist of the chest
That possess, possesses
A rainbow of complications
contradictions
miscommunication
The equation better yet the conclusion
Is a blinding white,cause yours eyes to squint
From the Light
Type of splendor
That'll cause landscapes to crumble
Into surrender
And now learn to trade their foundations instead of facades
So the glory of this white blinding story
Could shatter the darkness from the night

But only when...

Black holes inside brown windows
Become
Captivated by the red rain
A red pain
On, over a beige landscape
With not one attempt to escape
Now the Glory transforms into
A white blinding story
That is
shattering
stealing
THE DARK FROM THE NIGHT

---

An abstract poem I wrote back in December. Feel free to leave comments or your interpretations of it. Blessings as I rush off to the dentist!

Death By Crucifixion

Death. One of two sure-things in life--the other being taxes. When I think about death, I instantly think of a casket, black attire and grief-stricken faces. The first question I think of when I hear that somebody died is, "How?" Usually, I'm told to pray because of a, b and c. Instantly, my mind thinks the worst thing...murder, suicide, car accident, etc. etc. When looking at death...it's definitely something that affects a multitude, it's something that is absolute and complete. That is, when we're looking at it with physical eyes.
When we look at our greatest example, Jesus The Redeemer, The Savior, The Spotless Lamb, The Son of Man, The Great Sacrifice...we see that death is not an absolute nor does it mark completion. For Jesus conquered death and the only thing complete about His mission was when he descended into heaven...and He's still returning so that's up for discussion in another post. What a beautiful thing to see Jesus die--something that is absolute and complete, conquer death and become alive. Life, victory, assurance. But I'm jumping ahead of myself...
There are various ways of death. Gunshot wound--which is usually quick depending where the bullet lands, car crash--which is usually quick depending how fast you were going, suicide--which is probably the quickest if done right...then there's that old school crucifixion method. Where nails are driven through the wrists until it slams through a wooden cross. The nails slicing through every muscle, nerve and vein. There one would hang for hours in agony. A slow death. Keyword...slow. It was no fun under the sun. There were no words being formed on your tongue during this time just the grunting, moaning and crying. There was no pleasure in this death. It was no easy task. It was torture. Praise God, Jesus conquered such a horrific death. The worst known to man.

You see, He's my example in ALL things but in this season of my life where I'm dying to my will, my feelings, my mindset and most of all my emotions...He's my CROSS. And though my death is by crucifixion...who better is there to coach me through this death. The uneasy, uncomfortable feelings I feel...I got Him guiding me through, whispering "You can do ALL THINGS through me, Who strengthens You." What an encouragement that at the end of the tunnel...I will be like gold refined by the fire, shining as the impurities have burned off.

Many times, people ask, how would you rather choose to die? Many would say burning, drowning, or take the safe approach by saying in their sleep. I too probably would've said that not too long ago...or I'd say I WANT JESUS TO COME BACK B4 I DIE. However, if you ask me now...I'd smile and reply, "Death by crucifixion is the only death that brings life when it's complete."

May you all be encouraged and ask God what it is that He wants to teach you in the silence of your walk. God Bless.

Confession

Confession is good for the soul. According to James when we confess to others, we can be healed. That's a powerful thing yet not too many people confess anything. How many people walk around today and internalize everything? I'd be the first to raise my hand because I am a natural "internalizer" lol. God is delivering me though and now I can't keep quiet. I am aggressive with confession now a days. However...there has been something on my chest that I have yet to confess and so I will do so before all of mankind.

Are you ready?

...
....
...
....
...
....

No, seriously, are you ready?

.....
...
.....
...
.....
...

I

AM

AN

EAGLES

FAN!!!

Check out the colors...I'm reppin' it loud and proud! Haters back off!!!!!! >:-o

Ahhhh see how good confession is. I feel ten pounds lighter.

Quiznos vs Subway

Alrighty...so hopefully you have all tasted Quiznos by now...and HOPEFULLY Subway as well. How do I begin this? Well, it all started when I saw those annoying Quiznos commercials that seemed more repulsive then captivating. You know the ones with the funky mouths moving. Well, I was watching Ellen and she was giving away Quiznos to Katrina victims to franchise which I thought was neat. On another episode they brought out Quiznos for the whole audience and I must admit, it was love at first sight. I decided to scurry on down to Quiznos after class last year and well...the rest is history. I have banned Subways and declared my love and dedication to Quiznos. The flavor, variety, soups, pink lemonade and cookies not only kick but DROP KICK Subway in the booty.
Well, today, after working out, I decided, I'll eat something healthy. I looked down what I like to call Fast Food Lane aka Aramingo Ave. and saw nothing but greasy McDonald's, KFC, Boston Market, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Burger King, Domino s Pizza and Dunkin' Donuts. Behold I looked to the left and I saw Subway. Grimacing, I decided to give Subway the benefit of the doubt. And so I made my achy little way over there and ordered something not so spectacular because everything there is so blah. I asked the soup...they said minestrone. First off the girl didn't even know what the soup was...BIG MISTAKE. Quizno's customer service has been spectacular everywhere I've gone and all of the employees have been knowledgeable of all products. This was so not the case with Subway. So I bit into my sandwich and it was dry, boring and yuck. I regretted walking in there the minute I bit into that sorry excuse of a sub. I felt like I had not only betrayed Quiznos but it was not worth the money I spent.
So everyone who has ears let them hear...or rather read...QUIZNOS is the way to go, not Subways. They deserve to be located under a subway where nobody could find them IMO. :o\

On a serious note...even though I was dead serious about my disappointment, I will say this...Philadelphia needs prayer. I was on the subway today (the one you ride not the one you eat when there's no Quiznos around) and I just saw nothing but homosexuality, bootlegging, hustling and hopelessness. As the lights of dimly lit buildings bounced off of the subway I could see ADULT MOVIE signs and CHINESE RESTAURANTS...stuff to keep the poor in poverty. It's such a redundant cycle that it's scary. Please keep Philly in prayer. There's much deception here. The only thing people have pride in here is sports (the Eagles) and Rocky...and I'm not exaggerating. Pray the Spirit of God will manifest in this city and pulverize the darkness.

Shout Out To Mama Dukes

Okay so I haven't left to the gym yet people but my mom left me a comment on my first post...just like a mom would do right...so before I crawl over to the gym I thought I'd proclaim my mother's love for all to see...

Mom, Mom, Mom
You truly are the bomb
An explosion of joy, peace and grace
When my eyes are fixed
On the glimpse that you give when you stare
A true look reassuring me that you care
You're missed every day of every week
Especially when you create your own words
And remix praise and worship songs and claim it's concrete
You're a gem, a one of a kind, a testimony, my hero
I love you and in obedience, I'll put on a hat since outside it's below zero

Hope this brought a smile to your face...LOVE YA! And I miss you too and God is fashioning me into a woman of God, I don't even think I'M ready for...but He's worthy!

Off to the gym I go...

STAY TUNED: My next poem will be for my amazing FAJA (father)

Pain For Pleasure

Pain for Pleasure. What an interesting concept. I remember a long time ago when I was a teen (this is the part where you laugh b/c i'm 20 ::slaps leg and laughs hysterically::) I had this idea while in a relationship. Things are crazy and insane but nothing is won without a battle I would think to myself. And in battles there's pain, there's losses and there's dying. At the end however, there's pleasure, there's victory and there's life. Today, I look back and I think the concept is pretty swell and all but it definitely was construed in that season of my life.
Anyways all that to say...I joined Bally's Fitness with my right hand woman Evelynda and I was extremely excited about this decision. Hark! I stand (sit rather) before you with a little tid bit of advice. Actually this advice is for mother's who have no children but are thinking about having children. Are you ready? As soon as those little mongrols, I mean bundles of joy pop out, have dumbbells and ab balls waiting for them. Do this not to cause them PAIN. Seriously, I've started to work out then I stopped and recently I stopped for about a year and now I'm back at it. If I could describe the pain I'm feeling right now I'll do so ever so dramatically...My abs feel like somebody is cutting me with blistering cold ice cubes. Cutting down into the skin and right into my muscles. Ahhh, how refreshing that feeling is (NOT!) Naturally, this morning I had trouble brushing my teeth so Evelyn I apologize but my breath may be a bit on fire today lol JK. I naturally had difficulties pulling up my legs to put on my socks BUT BUT BUT...the most excruciating pain which I never thought could even be excruciating is my PELVIC muscles!!!! Oh my Precious Jesus come back tomorrow, for the cup that I bare is death in the form of a squat. Bussers, taxi cab drivers, teachers, trustees, loan officers and Amish farmers (thanking the little people) the pain I am feeling is UNREAL. I want to walk like I have something stuck up my bahunga (shout-out to Virg) that's derrière for those of you who don't know and for those of you who don't know what derrière is...take a French class or Google it :oP. Anywho...I want to walk crouched over and complain to whoever will listen BUT alas...I am looking to head over to the gym in approximately thirty minutes. On my journey there I will prepare a soliloquy of things to say to Fred, our personal trainer, to discourage him from ever training anyone again. You see I liked Fred when I met him...today, TWO not one day but TWO days after I worked out...I feel like a huge walking black and blue.

Pain for pleasure. Why not. I want to live long and smell the flowers in Spring while swatting at bees at the same time. I guess, I'll be fit by May which is kinda worth it. A healthy heart never killed anyone LOL...read that line again...I think that was classic. ::Literally slaps legs with a sincere hysterical laughter:: Wooooo call me drug because I crack myself up. ::LAUGHS AGAIN::

Alrighty folks, it's been extremely real...have a fabulous day and I'll conclude my day if I'm able to pick up my arms to type. God Bless and enjoy His winter beauty instead of complaining about the cold!

The Queen of What?

Howdy do everybody? After checking out my pal Brie's blog on various thoughts and theater, I decided to start my own. I too have some pretty interesting, weird, extremely random but nevertheless ME thoughts. And so it begins...this is my first post and as I tap away at the keys I am reminded of three things:

1. How extremely cold my fingers are
2. Why in the world is PECO (the water co.) drilling outside at 12:33AM?
3. Who am I going to invite to check out my blog? Who could I amuse?

It's evident, I multi-think amongst other things. Some multi-task, I multi-think. Take that!

So my handle is NeenTheQueen. Reason being, I noticed a lot of cool cats (friends, family, associates, allies, arch-nemesis'---okay I don't have any arch-nemesis' but it sounded cool, admit it, it sounded cool) any who, a lot of those just listed will call me Neen on a regular basis. My government is Nina which is usually a nickname but creatively enough, it is Neen that has had the privilege of sticking. So anyway, I've been thinking of how I feel when people call me this and I must admit I feel all warm and tingly inside. I sense a familiarity and comfort when people call me this. The origin of this nickname started with my Titi Marilyn if my memory serves me right (the older I get the more it serves me wrong.) My dear Titi Lamalin, as I like to call her now a days has always called me Neenu, Neen, Nini amongst the one others have adopted as their own...Neen. ::WARNING!:: RABBIT TRAIL UP AHEAD ::WARNING!:: Ahhh the sweet memories with my Titi Marilyn...I think I'll break out with a few old school baby pix...if you haven't already been distracted by the random baby pix in random places, do yourself a favor and scroll up to take a trip down memory lane. I was rocking polka-dots like it never left and came back!!! THAT'S RIGHT!!!

ANDDDDDD WE'RE BACK....

Where was I? Oh yes, the name...Well, I've thought about it and I like it. Therefore on this day February 6th @ 12:42AM, I will adopt Neen as my official nickname, everything else will be second to none.
I know what you're thinking...what about the queen part? She is so full of herself. Really, it's not that serious...it's quite simple. I serve and am madly in love with the King of Kings, I happen to be His bride, awaiting his return...therefore, that makes me, the princess? What do I look like a four year old? No, that makes me HIS QUEEN. I'm a royal priesthood. I'm royalty. I'm His Queen. Simply put.

Alas, the end of my very first monumental post must come to an end. But, I will end it with some shout-outs...

Brie - thanks for bringing me back to my blog roots lol
Evelyn - On a serious note, I feel honored to live with a watchman ;o) you're going to tear up the Kingdom of Darkness
Kari - I just really think you'll enjoy this lol so big ups to you suga pie
Lynette - I also think you'll be quite amused by this over there at Walmer Law!